Escapism

escapism |iˈskāpˌizəm|

noun
the tendency to seek distraction and relief from unpleasant realities, esp. by seeking entertainment or engaging in fantasy.

The worst part about defaulting to writing in times of crisis or happiness is the crippling awareness that your medium is limiting. The vocabulary of a single language simply can’t express the degrees of human emotion accurately. Of course a fortunate few - a poet here and there, Márquez in his genius - manage to come close, but the rest of us have to find a little manoeuvring room within the boundaries of our abilities, like exercising in jail. 

I’m like a thin layer of Marmite on cold toast today. Words hide from me, thoughts scuttle away to dark corners where I can’t reach them. I escape from my infirmity by allowing shades of green to captivate me, by succumbing to the allure of afternoon light, by dwelling on moments of pleasure and delight long past.